Too often, people set goals or go on a mission, guided by a sense of duty and obligation, yet without excitement or passion. They believe it to be the right thing to do, when it really isn’t; it is merely them chasing somebody else's dream, fulfilling social obligations, or trying to make others happy. We get stuck when we try to live somebody else's life.

“Just be yourself because everybody else is already taken!”

 

The internal compass

Even though we might have clearly identified our goals, there are always obstacles that life has in store for us. That’s why we need to be clear on our values which are the internal compass that keeps us on the path to our vision and purpose. If we know our values, we know who we are and what we stand for. Our life is owned and shaped by us, on our own terms.

 

“Try not to become a man of success 
but rather try to become a man of value.” 
Albert Einstein

 

If we want to excel in our personal and professional life, we need to be able to live in accordance with our values. Therefore, the more congruent the relationship is between our own personal values, our inner circle’s values, and the values of the organisation we are working for, the more successful and fulfilled we can become, and the stronger relationships we can build.

 

The personal values

We all have values, whether we are aware of them or not. Unfortunately, most people, unless they read an article like this one, are never even aware that there is such a thing as values, and what role they play in the quality of their lives.

Values are emotional states, attributes or ways of being, that we value ahead of everything else. They are unconscious filters about what we hold dear and are the basis on which we make decisions. If we want to be unique and authentic, we must raise awareness around what is important to us, because this sets the standards against which we judge ourselves and others.

In a moment of quiet, reflect on and gain clarity around your values, and later rank the top 5 in order of importance. - Following are a few examples:


Abundance | Accountability | Achievement | Acknowledgement | Ambition | Appreciation | Being the best | Belonging | Capability | Care | Clarity | Cleanliness | Compassion | Confidence | Congruency | Connection | Consistency | Control | Courage | Creativity | Credibility | Desire | Determination | Dignity | Education | Effectiveness | Efficiency | Excellence | Fairness | Faith | Fame | Family | Financial independence | Flexibility | Freedom of choice | Friendship | Growth | Happiness | Harmony | Health & Wellbeing | Honesty | Honour | Hospitality | Independence | Integrity | Leadership | Learning | Love | Loyalty | Making a difference | Mastery | Partnership | Passion | Peace | Power | Pride | Professionalism | Prosperity | Recognition | Reputation | Respect | Responsibility | Satisfaction | Security | Self-control | Self-respect | Significance | Strength | Structure | Success | Teamwork | Traditionalism | Trust | Victory | Wealth | and many more of course…

 

 

Once we are clear on our personal values and in what order they rank, decision-making becomes much easier. When life presents us with obstacles, we might deviate from our path a little, but our values bring us back into the right direction like a compass. If we are torn between helping a friend build a shed or attending a wellbeing and mediation seminar, we can refer back to what ranks higher on our value list, so that decision becomes quite straightforward, and we can live congruently and at ease with ourselves.

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The organisation’s values

Sometimes, when we feel uncertain about our professional life and the actions we take at work, it can be for a number of reasons:

  • The organisation not being clear on their values
  • Us not living according to our own values
  • A complete mismatch of our own values and the ones of the organisation

 

Many employees (and even managers) are clueless regarding the values of the company they are working for. Given that we spend so much time in our professional environment, it is imperative that our personal and professional values are aligned and go hand in hand. We cannot and should not detach the person from who they are when they walk through the business door.

 

The hidden values

When we elicit our core values, we must also consider our ‘hidden values’. The reason they are called ‘hidden values’ is because people often hide, deny and fail to admit to them, because of the conditioning of other people who taught us these are ‘bad’ values to have and for example selfish, rude or undesirable. This is not necessarily the case; there is for example, nothing wrong with making our mental and emotional wellbeing a top priority, ranking it ahead of helping a friend build their shed... 

Hidden values are usually based on one of the 3 universal fears: 

  1. Fear of not being loved
  2. Fear of not being enough
  3. Fear of not belonging

 

For every action that we take, there is a payoff. And the payoff is a feeling. By working closely with a variety of people over the years, we identified the following most common hidden values:

  • Attention
  • Control
  • Power
  • Superiority
  • Rebelliousness
  • Authority
  • Belonging
  • Validation

 

What might at first glance look like negative character traits, these (and other) hidden values are an amazing tool to help us and others to better understand what makes us/them tick, to stop pretending, and to be more authentic. This in turn helps us to establish inspiration and trust within, to excel in all areas of our life. If we want to feel comfortable within our own skin and achieve more, we must live our true authentic self, be more honest to ourselves and start to see things for what they are. This will instil more trust and inspiration within ourselves and others.

 

“I had no idea that being your authentic self 
could make me as rich as I’ve become. 
If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier.” 
Oprah Winfrey

 

Hidden values are part of who we are. We need to recognise them, release bad strategies, and use them in our favour. Acknowledging our hidden values and putting them in a positive light comes down to finding a balance; the Yin and Yang, or the light and dark. For example:

  • We can be an authority without using an authoritarian way
  • We can be an empowering leader by being confident yet humble
  • We can believe in ourselves and our abilities, yet be down-to-earth
  • We can be an attention-seeker by engage with an audience that we can teach something
  • We can pursue superiority by becoming an expert in a field and use this knowledge for the greater good

 

Admitting to our secondary gains is a crucial and liberating step. When we release our hidden values into the open, we stop projecting them onto other people. We only defend the things we pretend we are not! If we stop defending ourselves and accept who we (and others) are, then we are free to live our life by design, not by default.

If we find that balance, we can create a positive impact and empower ourselves, our team, our organisation and our entire community. So, let start with:

Being present | Being real and authentic | Being brave to do so!

 

 

Leadership. Success. Unpacked.

#globalleadhub #onlineleadershipcourses #eLearning


[This post originally appeared on the PROfound Leadership blog.]

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