Challenging behaviours are aspects of human interactions that demand our attention and understanding. In our quest to improve our leadership qualities and be a leader who fosters harmonious and productive relationships, it becomes imperative to influence these behaviours positively; in ourselves and in others. By addressing and positively influencing negative behaviours, we create an environment where respect, cooperation, and empathy flourish, leading to better outcomes for individuals, teams and organisation.

To be successful, we must be willing to change our decisions and learn to prioritise our long-term goals over our short-term desires. This means making conscious choices that support our desired outcomes, even if it means sacrificing immediate pleasure or comfort. 

"The main reason for people's lack of success is their willingness to give up what they want MOST, for what they want right now!" ~
 Zig Ziglar

 

Changing our behaviours requires effort, commitment, and the willingness to delay immediate gratification in favour of long-term goals.

 

Why so many are opposed to behavioural change

In the context of encouraging positive behavioural change, it is important to recognise that although individuals may be experiencing discomfort or even pain in the current situation, one major element must be acknowledged:

Fear of the unknown can be a major obstacle in changing our behaviours.

Resistance to change arises because we fear the unknown (or worry about the potential consequences of taking a risk) more than enduring our present discomfort or pain.


Person on large scale - Fear of the Unknown heavier than Current Pain

 

When our fear of the unknown outweighs the pain of our current situation, we remain stagnant and are unlikely to change. 

FEAR can have two meanings: 

  • ForgetEverythingAndRun 
  • FaceEverythingAndRise

 


2 hacks to encourage positive behavioural change

To overcome the obstacle of the fear of the unknown and positively influence ourselves and others, we need to consider two options:

  1. Raise awareness of negative long-term effects
  2. Shift focus from fear to the pleasure of long-term benefits

 

Hack 1: Raise awareness of negative long-term effects

Shifting our mindset and gaining clarity on the long-term negative impact of not making a change can serve as a motivating factor for ourselves and others to act and abandon unresourceful decision(s). Sometimes, our reluctance to change stems from a lack of understanding of long-term consequences of our actions or inactions. Therefore, it is crucial to raise awareness of negative long-term effects to reach the tipping point of change. 

This intensifies our present discomfort and pain and shifts our focus away from the fear of the unknown. Once we reach the tipping point (where the current pain outweighs the fear of the unknown), our motivation propels us to make changes in our decisions and, consequently, our behaviours.

 Person on large scale - Current pain heavier than Fear of the Unknown

 

Creating clarity around the negative impact of not making a change can be a useful tool and effectively encourage positive behavioural change, but it must be approached thoughtfully and respectfully, taking into account people's emotions and motivations. It is important to apply this method with care and sensitivity.

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As modern leaders, we can leverage question techniques, a highly effective interpersonal communication method. Instead of instructing people (assuming the role of the rescuer), we should adopt a coaching approach (becoming an observer) and guide others to reach their tipping point of change, where the current illusional pain is greater than the fear of the unknown.

This approach reduces resistance and possible blame, and instead encourages change. If we tell people what to do and it doesn't work out, we may receive responses such as: "I knew from the beginning that this was a bad idea, but you didn't listen!" or "It's all your fault, you forced me into it," "I thought you were my friend," "You're no different from the rest." Even with good intentions, we shift from the role of 'rescuer' to 'aggressor' in the eyes of the beholder, as the victim will likely choose (unconsciously) to remain in their victim mode (comfort zone) thinking: "I only know what I know, and although I dislike it, it's still better than taking responsibility for my own actions and inactions. After all, if something goes wrong, who do I blame?"

On the other hand, as observers, we can coach others using questioning techniques that highlight the current pain by emphasising potential negative consequences if they continue to do the same things. Although it may sound harsh, this approach might guide the person to reach their tipping point of change, where the current illusory pain outweighs the fear of the unknown. This can encourage change and help them make different, better decisions, enabling them not only to avoid negative consequences but also to create a brighter future for themselves.

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves (or others, once rapport and trust are established): 

  • What am I/are you tolerating right now?
  • What do I/you think will happen over time if I/you continue doing the same thing?
    • What are the long-term consequences?
  • Where do I/you think I/you will be in six months, a year, or three years from now?
  • How is the current approach working out for me/you?
    • If it isn’t, what am I/are you willing to change?
  • What do I/you need to learn about myself/yourself in this situation?

 

When communicating the potential negative outcomes, it is crucial to be kind to ourselves and others and employ effective interpersonal communication skills. Communicate the information in a factual manner without intending to instil fear or shame. It is also important to balance the negative outcomes with a positive vision of what can be achieved through change, which brings us to the second option.

 

Hack 2: Shift focus from fear to pleasure and long-term benefits.

By focusing on 'future pleasure' or prioritising our long-term goals over short-term gratification/pleasure, we can overcome our fears and commit to our desired outcomes. This shift in perspective allows us to see beyond the immediate challenges and embrace a vision of a better future, and is a key leadership skill to acquire.

To overcome our fear, it is important to shift our focus from fear to pleasure and long-term benefits.

 Person on large scale - Future Pleasure heavier than Current Pain

 

Understanding the deep-rooted significance of our aspirations strengthens our determination and commitment to initiate positive change in our behaviours. By focusing on the future we desire and acknowledging the reasons behind our goals, we can pave the way for personal growth, enhanced relationships, and greater fulfillment at work and in life. Embracing long-term benefits empowers us to overcome the fear and obstacles that previously held us back, ensuring that we make decisions that support us in the long run.

Here are again some questions we can ask ourselves (or others, once rapport and trust are established): 

  • How would I/you like the future to be different from the present?
  • What life purpose would I/you strive for?
  • What difference would I/you like to make in the next 12 months?
    • Why is that important to me/you?

 

 

It’s a wrap

To assist ourselves and others gain clarity on our vision, the benefits of long-term change, and how it will help us achieve our goals and aspirations, it is crucial to support and guide others throughout the change process. This ensures confidence in our ability to successfully navigate the necessary changes. By acknowledging and addressing our fears and concerns and equipping ourselves and others with the tools needed to make positive adjustments, we can foster positive behavioural change and enhance our personal and professional lives.

Behavioural change is possible in numerous ways, and with the right mindset and strategies, we can overcome our inclination for instant gratification and successfully achieve our goals. 

"Let us not give up what we want most for what we want right now." Through persistence and commitment, we can achieve the success and fulfillment we seek in our career, business, and life.

 


Reflection 

After contemplating the questions above, what is your commitment to positive behavioural change? 

  • What steps will you take to achieve your new goal(s) and vision?
  • What promise do you make to yourself?

 

Book recommendation

A highly recommended book on this topic is "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers.


Book cover "Feel the fear and do it anyway"



 

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